rise.

I see a dark string with a glint of gold lay helpless and lifelessly at the bottom of my bag. Im looking at this bracelet and im trying to remember what it ment to me. The black string and the gold clover used to mean freedom, and life. It was a reminder that life is large, and open to whatever you might what to fit into it. it ment dancing like nobody was watching and crying like you cared. It ment speaking up and opening my eyes. It ment running with heart and soul. It ment loving with everything I had. It was my faith. My reminder that something good is on my side only if I wanted there to be.

Now im lost and there is no hiding it. Im searching for something, im stumbling in the dark. My eyes are wide shut, my mouth is sealed. I have no heart to pour out. I hold it all inside and Im about to burst with everything I’ve suppressed.

This world used to mean something so much different than it means to me now. I’ve brushed shoulders with a larger part of it, and all I want is more. I look around me and I cannot stand what I see. I cannot stand what Im surrounded by. I want a bigger piece of life, and if I don’t jump now I never will. We are all so scared of stepping out. Were all scared of leaving our comfortable little lives. People are so sick in there existence. They could grow up, go to school, pay loans, bills, and mortgages, get married, have children, grow old and die all in the same town. They “vacation”, they talk about politics and going green, they drive their electric cars. They send their children to the best schools, buy organic food, and go to the gym 3 times a week. They sit at their cubical answer phones, type up reports and fuck off. But do they ever wonder what the fuck their doing? I don’t know. Maybe that is for some people. Picket fences n’ shit. Giving up adventure and chance for comfort and community. And that’s fine. But I cant stay here and burn my soul with books and classrooms. I cant continue to run this race with no drive. I need to feel the sand between my toes, i need to feel the pain, the cold, the wind at my back, the dirt in my face. Everybody wants to be different but they just all end up doing the same shit. How do you escape and make it different? Its so simple, but know one will ever do it. you leave.

Youll never know until you jump.

I have one person holding me down to the ground. Otherwise I fear id float away. Id loose all human connection. You might find me 3 countries away amoungst a faceless crowd. A pulsing sweep of people thousands of miles away. Between rivers valleys, oceans, fields and hills. From castle towers to shantys. Id follow you to the end of the world. You’re my home, my heart, my soul. You may be the only one that’s believed. That’s pushed through. Persisted. With it all. My love for you goes beyond what I even know love is. I suppose you see life the way I see it. Coming out on top, valuing the freedom to be above the world. To see it from every angle.

Im trying to not let you fall through my fingers.