tell me what it takes to get to you

a vertical wall

writing. the only thing that makes me feel in control. and not so alone. maybe because it forces me to review all that is broken? all that is reality. all of what is happening right now. but it still lets my mind go. i can dream. and once again im dreaming of all the things i shouldn't be. my brain in shuffling through old memories. this current world i live in is meaningless.

i was talking to my old coach, im sick of school i said. Im sick of everything.

she said: Brie your a student athlete, student first. Running is a way to get what you want. Use it! Im so proud of you, you can do anything.

iv forgotten who i am. How have i let this happen? Iv lost some confidence on the way here. I fell and didn't finish brushing off the dirt.

Im Aubriele Fucking Rowe. i run 18's after two years of training.

I teach myself how to surf.

I paint.

Im a photographer.

I have an extensive knowledge of healing foods and health

I wear what i want,

feel how i want,

say what i want.

I love life. when did i become this?

this person that dreads waking up at 6 to run, this person that cant think beyond a homework assignment?

Ill tell you how. Im not following what i believe in. Im not doing what i was ment to do. im not enjoying 100% my life.

And thats how you slowly kill yourself. by doing things you dont bleed 100% of.

its not that i cant live here, i wont for the sake of my life.

Bad, Bad, Bad

big turn offs:

asian guys shoving little debbie snacks in their mouthes

Geology class

So Cal Holister shirts... when you arent from So Cal. Dont do it. shit, i dont even wear them.

cargos

...to be continued

better than geology

So im skipping class to look at surfline webcams and watch 3ft chest highs rolling in the Oceanside Pier, curled up on a bench in the wholefoods cafe, sipping an organic energy drink and looking up surfboards for sale on South Florida Craigs List.

there is something so wrong with that picture.

sometimes i think about those 17:00's but not as often as i should be.

instead im dreaming on the desk,

dreaming about San Francisco dance partys

Berkley trips, my 4th of july in Mexico

My 21st birthday in Vegas

101 runs down the coast

those familiar rollin hills

...My 3000 mile road trip back to California

its sick you know, if you ever plan on moving to Cali dont ever plan on leaving, the songs are true, that california dreamin shit, Phantom Planet WILL be your new best friend, your homesick soundtrack.

i gotta get that 101 back under my feet.